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JON ZAL: Ye Olde Blog

Ye Olde Blog

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Parenthood

The nuclear option … or, Why I’ve erased my children from the blogosphere

September 1, 2015 16 Comments

My anonymous kids

“Hey Dad, what the hell is this website we found containing tons of pictures of, and stories about, us? Also, you’re a jerk and we hate you.”—My children, circa some point in the not-too-distant future

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Filed Under: Jayna, Life, Parenthood, Writing, Zan

Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery

May 26, 2015 16 Comments

Take a look at this screen capture and tell me what you see:

zillow

Chances are you see the homepage of Zillow.com, a site where one can go and look up the supposed value of any given home. That’s what I used to see, too.

Now? Now I see this:

Allow me to explain.

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Filed Under: Life, Parenthood, Zan

Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”

January 25, 2012 48 Comments

One of the many adorable puppies we will not be getting.

Dear My Children:

I’m sorry, but you’re not going to wear me down on this one. Sometimes Daddy has to be a dick. This is one of those times.

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Filed Under: Life, Parenthood Tagged With: Greatest Hits

It’s a good thing I’m so naturally crafty and handy and oh wait no I’m not

March 29, 2010 24 Comments

Pinewood Derby

It was supposed to be so simple: take the little block of wood, cut it into a car-like shape, slap some paint on it, attach the wheels, ta-dah, done, finished, no sweat.

Of course, when it comes to me, nothing is simple … particularly a pseudo-carpentry project.

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Filed Under: Parenthood, Zan

If not for The Force, Darth Vader would have totally gotten his ass kicked, because that suit? Not very practical.

November 11, 2009 22 Comments

Daddy Vader

OK, so here’s the story with this bullshit:

A few weeks ago, my wife and I took the kids to the comic-book store. While there, my wife, who is on the school council at our son’s elementary school, hit up the owner to help sponsor a school fundraiser by providing for the event one of the costumed characters that often appear at the store. The owner said he didn’t have anyone specific he could send, but he’d be willing to loan out the store’s $800 Darth Vader costume.

“Jon’s pretty tall,” Mr. Helpful Comic-Book Store Owner suggested. “He could wear it.”

Well, as we all know by now, no one loves to get himself into ridiculous shit more than me, so I, of course, said, “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

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Filed Under: Parenthood Tagged With: star wars

Another mouth to feed

February 3, 2009 40 Comments

I can’t believe I forgot to introduce you all to the newest member of the family! Where are my manners?

Baby Alive Tink & Poops

This little bundle of joy is Baby Alive Tink & Poops. No, that’s not her real name, but that is what Jayna has been calling her since, like, a year ago when she first saw the commercial. As you can probably surmise, the “Tink & Poops” part means she not only urinates—which is just so yesteryear—but she also defecates. And if there is one thing we need around here, it is a fake baby who shits herself.

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Filed Under: Jayna, Parenthood Tagged With: Greatest Hits

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YE OLDE BLOG

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ABOUT ME

Jon Zal @ The Capitol

I was born in 1970, raised just outside of Boston, and now live near Philadelphia. As a child, I thought I was going to be…
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“And in the end / on Dreams we will depend / ‘ “And in the end / on Dreams we will depend / ‘cause that’s what love is made of.”

Thanks for getting it right, America. 🇺🇸🤘🏻❤️

#VH #BH #TheAmericanDream
Pre-gaming for Sammy Hagar’s (virtual) Birthday Pre-gaming for Sammy Hagar’s (virtual) Birthday Bash, as one does. 

I was at Sammy’s 50th Birthday Bash back during my Van Halen-gig days. Three nights at the @cabowabocantinacabo. It was epic. Now I’M 50. How the hell did that happen so fast?

Looking forward to seeing Sammy & Michael play some VH while I pour one out for Eddie Van Halen. 

Happy Birthday, Sam!

👊🏻🤙🏻🍹🏝
Just voted for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and a who Just voted for Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and a whole bunch of down-ballot Dems.

Make sure you #vote!
#ivoted 🇺🇸
Link to full tribute in profile. R.I.P. E.V.H. Link to full tribute in profile. 

R.I.P. E.V.H.

“You see, to those of us who fell in love with them in our youth, Van Halen has always been more than just a band, their songs have always been more than just music, and Eddie has always been more than just a guitar player; Van Halen was a mood, a lifestyle, a rallying cry, the musical accompaniment to which lifelong friendships were forged, and the soundtrack to some of the best times we’ve ever had.”

#eddievanhalen #ripeddievanhalen #ripevh #vanhalen
I can’t find all the words I need right now to d I can’t find all the words I need right now to describe how much Eddie Van Halen and his music have meant to me over the past four decades. I’ll find them soon & put them in a blog post ... but, for now, suffice to say: I’m heartbroken. #RIPEddieVanHalen
Decided to do something awesome for myself. When Decided to do something awesome for myself.

When I was 12 years old, I started taking weekly drum lessons. Shortly thereafter, I got my first kit. It was just a little acoustic starter set with one broken cymbal that did double duty as both my ride & my only crash ... but it was my very own drum set, and I loved it.

As a complete and utter pipsqueak with seemingly no athletic ability whatsoever, I was never really interested in sports … but I was obsessed with music, and playing the drums gave me a sense of satisfaction & accomplishment like nothing else ever had. 

Things got pretty rocky with both family & school by the time I was around 15 or 16, and the drum lessons fell by the wayside. I still played every now and again — I even sought out a community kit at the rec center on my Army base back in the day — but my skills never really progressed, and, by the time I reached my late 20s, I had pretty much abandoned it.

I always, however, planned to start playing again … someday.

I’m a 50-year-old man. My “somedays” are running out … especially if I want to get good at this. 

“Someday” is now. 

Say hello to my new drum kit. 

(And, yeah, I went with the @larsulrich @metallica sticks ... because why wouldn’t I?)

🤘🏻💀🤘🏻🥁
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