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JON ZAL: Ye Olde Blog

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In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

June 17, 2013 14 Comments

Jon @ the Home-Run Derby

That previous post really set the stage for an exciting, emotional, underdog-makes-good kind of ending, didn’t it? (If you didn’t read it yet, you should.) Imagine it: the shrimpy, non-baseball-playing kid scarred from his less-than-enjoyable Little League experience steps to the plate more than three decades later and belts one over the fence.

Oh, if only. sigh

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Filed Under: Baseball, Life

Take Me Out to the Therapist… Take Me Out to the Shrink…

June 5, 2013 6 Comments

The game of baseball has become a major part of my family’s life … which, based on the following photo, should come as a surprise to no one. I mean, let’s face it: when your background includes playing on a team of this caliber, your family is pretty much guaranteed a baseball-rich life:

Topeka

I’ll point myself out in a moment, but first: How ’bout that coach, huh? He makes Morris Buttermaker look like Anthony Robbins. Of course, in his defense: Look at the collection of misfits he had to work with. I would suggest that his lack of enthusiasm was well justified.

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Filed Under: Baseball, Life

Burger King spiked my co-worker’s fries with a mind-altering substance

January 31, 2013 11 Comments

Burger King "food"

It all started with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. We ran out of sliced turkey … and, being the financially sensible (read: broke) person that I am, I decided that, rather than eat out, I would bring to work a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

Lunchtime arrived. I was weak. Faint. Famished. I ate the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. It was, shall we say, less than satisfying.

I was starving. To death, even. Death was imminent, is what I’m saying, OK? Don’t judge me.

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Filed Under: Cubicle, Life

Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”

January 25, 2012 48 Comments

One of the many adorable puppies we will not be getting.

Dear My Children:

I’m sorry, but you’re not going to wear me down on this one. Sometimes Daddy has to be a dick. This is one of those times.

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Filed Under: Life, Parenthood Tagged With: Greatest Hits

If I had been any closer to the stage at that Van Halen show the other night, I’d be carrying Eddie’s baby

January 11, 2012 35 Comments

I knew going into last Thursday night’s Van Halen concert that, based solely on the size of the venue, I’d be fairly close to the stage … but I didn’t know I’d be THIS close:

Van Halen stage setup

No, seriously:

I sat really close to the stage at the Van Halen show

(I also didn’t know that the band was picking up everyone’s bar tab … which is a shame, because, had I found that out prior to the end of the show, I’m certain I could have done a hell of a lot more damage than three bottles of Sam Adams. Just sayin’.)

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Filed Under: Music, Van Halen

Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector

November 16, 2011 28 Comments

Before dinner

“Ugh. Brains,” I whispered to my wife after the chef announced that the third course would include sweetbreads.

“What?”

“Sweetbreads,” I whispered, “are brains.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding rather amused, though far from relieved. “I thought they were balls.”

Hey, they might as well have been balls, because guess what brains and balls both have in common? Neither one goes in my mouth.

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Filed Under: Life

That trip to Mexico I keep meaning to tell you about, which almost didn’t happen because of my unrivaled ability to be a complete and utter moron

February 7, 2011 33 Comments

About two hours into our flight from Philadelphia to Cancun, I discovered that I had committed The Biggest Fuck-Up of All Time … like, to the extent that I knew it would be best for my marriage if I just went ahead and threw myself out of the aircraft. Which was a shame, really … because everything had been going so well.

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Filed Under: Buffoonery, Life, Marriage

No, really: This job-search thing is like shooting fish in a barrel

May 13, 2010 22 Comments

OK, seriously: What’s with all the hubbub about high unemployment rates in this country? Because I’m still two business days away from my lay-off, and already the job offers are coming at me faster than I can keep up with them. You jobless whiners out there must be a bunch of losers; this job-search shit is even easier than kicking my kids’ asses at Candyland.

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Filed Under: Life

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ABOUT ME

Jon Zal @ The Capitol

I was born in 1970, raised just outside of Boston, and now live near Philadelphia. As a child, I thought I was going to be…
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Husband, father, writer, drummer, Army vet (MP K9), ex-music journalist • BLOG: https://t.co/wkEwZclWEe • IG: https://t.co/9PB3Virbbu #BlackLivesMatter

Jon Zal
OfficialJonZal avatarJon Zal@OfficialJonZal·
17 Apr 1383257207257456650

Boozed up & listening to a playlist named “Grunge-o-Rama” comprising songs by bands whose lineups are now roughly 1/4th deceased & I am feeling every single bit of my mortality & every single pound of the emotional baggage of every one of my 51 years on this earth. How you doin’?

Reply on Twitter 1383257207257456650Retweet on Twitter 13832572072574566505Like on Twitter 1383257207257456650241
OfficialJonZal avatarJon Zal@OfficialJonZal·
16 Apr 1383041748423835651

Correct.

Joe@Joedof7

Sean Patrick Maloney was on #MorningJoe months ago and had this same conversation with @JoeNBC . Asking the same question every other week to democrats as if it hasn't been answered ad-nauseum just because Republicans repeat a lie is carrying water for a party w/ no real message.

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OfficialJonZal avatarJon Zal@OfficialJonZal·
13 Apr 1382108162300518401

Nary a human has ever been more deserving of what’s coming for them than is @mattgaetz.

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