• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

JON ZAL: Ye Olde Blog

Ye Olde Blog

  • JONZAL.com
  • Ye Olde Blog
  • About Me
  • Contact Me
  • Ye Olde Blog Primer

Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery

May 26, 2015 16 Comments

Take a look at this screen capture and tell me what you see:

zillow

Chances are you see the homepage of Zillow.com, a site where one can go and look up the supposed value of any given home. That’s what I used to see, too.

Now? Now I see this:

Allow me to explain.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Daddy Scratches, Life, Parenthood, Zan

In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

June 17, 2013 14 Comments

Jon @ the Home-Run Derby

That previous post really set the stage for an exciting, emotional, underdog-makes-good kind of ending, didn’t it? (If you didn’t read it yet, you should.) Imagine it: the shrimpy, non-baseball-playing kid scarred from his less-than-enjoyable Little League experience steps to the plate more than three decades later and belts one over the fence.

Oh, if only. sigh

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Baseball, Daddy Scratches, Life

Take Me Out to the Therapist… Take Me Out to the Shrink…

June 5, 2013 6 Comments

The game of baseball has become a major part of my family’s life … which, based on the following photo, should come as a surprise to no one. I mean, let’s face it: when your background includes playing on a team of this caliber, your family is pretty much guaranteed a baseball-rich life:

Topeka

I’ll point myself out in a moment, but first: How ’bout that coach, huh? He makes Morris Buttermaker look like Anthony Robbins. Of course, in his defense: Look at the collection of misfits he had to work with. I would suggest that his lack of enthusiasm was well justified.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Baseball, Daddy Scratches, Life

Burger King spiked my co-worker’s fries with a mind-altering substance

January 31, 2013 11 Comments

Burger King "food"

It all started with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. We ran out of sliced turkey … and, being the financially sensible (read: broke) person that I am, I decided that, rather than eat out, I would bring to work a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

Lunchtime arrived. I was weak. Faint. Famished. I ate the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. It was, shall we say, less than satisfying.

I was starving. To death, even. Death was imminent, is what I’m saying, OK? Don’t judge me.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Cubicle, Daddy Scratches, Life

Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”

January 25, 2012 48 Comments

One of the many adorable puppies we will not be getting.

Dear My Children:

I’m sorry, but you’re not going to wear me down on this one. Sometimes Daddy has to be a dick. This is one of those times.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Daddy Scratches, Life, Parenthood Tagged With: Greatest Hits

If I had been any closer to the stage at that Van Halen show the other night, I’d be carrying Eddie’s baby

January 11, 2012 35 Comments

I knew going into last Thursday night’s Van Halen concert that, based solely on the size of the venue, I’d be fairly close to the stage … but I didn’t know I’d be THIS close:

Van Halen stage setup

No, seriously:

I sat really close to the stage at the Van Halen show

(I also didn’t know that the band was picking up everyone’s bar tab … which is a shame, because, had I found that out prior to the end of the show, I’m certain I could have done a hell of a lot more damage than three bottles of Sam Adams. Just sayin’.)

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Daddy Scratches, Music, Van Halen

Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector

November 16, 2011 28 Comments

Before dinner

“Ugh. Brains,” I whispered to my wife after the chef announced that the third course would include sweetbreads.

“What?”

“Sweetbreads,” I whispered, “are brains.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding rather amused, though far from relieved. “I thought they were balls.”

Hey, they might as well have been balls, because guess what brains and balls both have in common? Neither one goes in my mouth.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Daddy Scratches, Life

That trip to Mexico I keep meaning to tell you about, which almost didn’t happen because of my unrivaled ability to be a complete and utter moron

February 7, 2011 33 Comments

About two hours into our flight from Philadelphia to Cancun, I discovered that I had committed The Biggest Fuck-Up of All Time … like, to the extent that I knew it would be best for my marriage if I just went ahead and threw myself out of the aircraft. Which was a shame, really … because everything had been going so well.

Read the rest »

Filed Under: Buffoonery, Daddy Scratches, Life, Marriage

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to page 3
  • Go to page 4
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

YE OLDE BLOG

FYI: If you’re reading this, it means you’re in the section of my site that comprises posts from my old, pre-JONZAL.com blog. If you want some more background info about that, you can read this post. If you’re interested in browsing through more of these old posts, you can see them in reverse-chronological order by starting here, or by using the dropdown menu in the “ARCHIVES” box shown below. And if you’d rather just get back to the main area of JONZAL.com, click/tap here.

Top Posts

  • Moving on ... but you can come with me.
    Moving on ... but you can come with me.
  • I've narrowly cheated death yet again
    I've narrowly cheated death yet again
  • Oh, Chris ... not you too ...
    Oh, Chris ... not you too ...
  • This one hurts
    This one hurts
  • I was going to do some writing, but then A.D.D. and Facebook and WTF were we just talking about?
    I was going to do some writing, but then A.D.D. and Facebook and WTF were we just talking about?
  • Dear Gene Simmons of KISS, a.k.a. My Childhood Hero: I think there's been a terrible misunderstanding. Either that, or you're an overly sensitive dick. (I'm hoping it's the first one.)
    Dear Gene Simmons of KISS, a.k.a. My Childhood Hero: I think there's been a terrible misunderstanding. Either that, or you're an overly sensitive dick. (I'm hoping it's the first one.)
  • #WarriorDown
    #WarriorDown
  • The nuclear option ... or, Why I've erased my children from the blogosphere
    The nuclear option ... or, Why I've erased my children from the blogosphere
  • Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery
    Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery
  • In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run
    In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

Ye Olde Blog Archives

Follow Me

  • Twitter
  • Instagram

RECENT COMMENTS

  • Tanushree on Moving on … but you can come with me.Hello - I started reading your blog 12 years ago as company during lunch at my desk. 12 years on,...
  • Jon Zal on Moving on … but you can come with me.Thank you, Julie! :)
  • Julie on Moving on … but you can come with me.Happy for you, Jon! I'll come with you. Your story about Baby Tink and Poop is still the funniest thing...
  • Jon Zal on Moving on … but you can come with me.Here, yes. Thanks for sticking around, my friend. :)
  • Jon Zal on Moving on … but you can come with me.Thank you so much, Lauren. I really appreciate it. Thanks for sharing those words with me. Happy to hear you’re...
  • Lauren on Moving on … but you can come with me.Jon I'm not sure I've ever commented before but I've absolutely loved reading your posts over the years and have...
  • Dave on Moving on … but you can come with me.Last post!
  • Jon Zal on I’ve narrowly cheated death yet againI'm here to help. :)
  • ACWMH on I’ve narrowly cheated death yet againExhausting to be you, sure. But think of it this way: you're not only living your own life, raising the...
  • Valerie on This one hurtsI just came across your post and found it really echoed what I wrote myself. Including the link to the...

ABOUT ME

Jon Zal @ The Capitol

I was born in 1970, raised just outside of Boston, and now live near Philadelphia. As a child, I thought I was going to be…
Read the rest »

TWITTER

Jon Zal 🇺🇦 Follow 23,851 55,132

Husband, father, writer, podcaster, drummer, Army vet (M.P. K-9), ex-music journalist. #BlackLivesMatter

jon_zal
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
18 Jun 1537973122564911108

Now that’s what I call an “Out of Office” message.

Taking a break. Catch you next month.👋🏻 🇮🇹

Image for the Tweet beginning: Now that’s what I call Twitter feed image.
Reply on Twitter 1537973122564911108 Retweet on Twitter 1537973122564911108 0 Like on Twitter 1537973122564911108 49
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
11 Jun 1535717917324726272

Really hoping a later episode of “Obi-Wan” explains that Little Leia was using a Jedi mind trick to make full-grown men incapable of catching her during multiple, low-speed foot pursuits.

Reply on Twitter 1535717917324726272 Retweet on Twitter 1535717917324726272 2 Like on Twitter 1535717917324726272 24
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
10 Jun 1535405282024738816

Republican pronouns: Me/My/Mine

Reply on Twitter 1535405282024738816 Retweet on Twitter 1535405282024738816 42 Like on Twitter 1535405282024738816 303
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
10 Jun 1535275808075415556

Cop-killing insurrectionist party claims expiration date has passed on attempt to overthrow the American government.

House Judiciary GOP @JudiciaryGOP

All. Old. News.

Reply on Twitter 1535275808075415556 Retweet on Twitter 1535275808075415556 51 Like on Twitter 1535275808075415556 205
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
10 Jun 1535273541762965504

View on Twitter Twitter feed image.
View on Twitter Twitter feed image.
View on Twitter Twitter feed image.
Reply on Twitter 1535273541762965504 Retweet on Twitter 1535273541762965504 3 Like on Twitter 1535273541762965504 65
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
9 Jun 1534922033531965447

Republicans: “Back the Blue*!”

*into a corner … and throw things at them … and trample them … and douse them with bear spray … and beat them with flagpoles … before vandalizing the Capitol & hunting down the Vice President so we can hang him

“Party of Law & Order” my ass.

Republicans: “Back the Blue*!”

*into a corner … and throw things at them … and trample them … and douse them with bear spray … and beat them with flagpoles … before vandalizing the Capitol & hunting down the Vice President so we can hang him

“Party of Law & Order” my ass.
Scott MacFarlane @MacFarlaneNews

All at once... a police line is breached and the mob fights through!

Newly released video exhibit from US Justice Dept in Capitol riot case

Reply on Twitter 1534922033531965447 Retweet on Twitter 1534922033531965447 41 Like on Twitter 1534922033531965447 153
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
3 Jun 1532800057287884800

[Children are required to wear a lightweight square over their nose & mouth during a public-health crisis]

Republicans: "WE'RE CAUSING THEM IRREPARABLE HARM! TYRANNY! THIS MUST END NOW!"

[Children are regularly slaughtered by guns]

Republicans: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Reply on Twitter 1532800057287884800 Retweet on Twitter 1532800057287884800 138 Like on Twitter 1532800057287884800 414
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
3 Jun 1532749551471366146

“We require extensive training for service members to handle weapons. We only issue live ammunition under strict supervision. I would say the military takes weapons safety & storage very seriously, while the civilian community in America does not.”

Image for twitter card

They Are the Good Guys With Guns. After Another Mass Shooting, Veterans Want Change.

After yet another school shooting, veterans continue to speak up, on social media, in organizations they have formed, and in the media.

www.military.com

Reply on Twitter 1532749551471366146 Retweet on Twitter 1532749551471366146 14 Like on Twitter 1532749551471366146 38

Search

Instagram

Photographic evidence that I occasionally leave th Photographic evidence that I occasionally leave the house. Rare … but it happens.
Go @RedSox! #OpeningDay Go @RedSox!
#OpeningDay
New profile pic. Previous one was six years old. S New profile pic. Previous one was six years old. Started to feel like a lie.

Longest my hair's been in 18 years. Planning to let it keep growing for a bit. Not gonna let it get as long as it was Back In The Day (read: down to my chest), but ... I need a change.

Anyway ... that's me now. 👋🏻
Just gutted by this loss. Van Halen, Rolling Sto Just gutted by this loss. 

Van Halen, Rolling Stones & Foo Fighters. That’s my Big Three … and of those three, there’s only one I was banking on as a go-to active interest for the next couple of decades. 

As with Van Halen, I fell in love with Foo Fighters not only because of the music, but because of the fun those guys had with, and love they had for, each other.

Had plans in place to go see Foos play in Oregon this October for the final stop on their now-canceled tour. Can’t believe I won’t get to see Dave & Taylor play together again. 

Dave was the first interview I ever did with someone who wasn’t a member of Van Halen. He let me call him at home one weekend, 22 years ago. Two East Coast guys, same age, drummers, music lovers, shooting the shit on a Saturday afternoon. It remains one of my favorite memories. 

I briefly met Taylor in Austin, TX, back in 2006 when he and his solo band somehow got put up at the same shitty Holiday Inn as me. He was very kind, gracious and cool to this awkward, socially anxious fanboy. Saw him play live that night, his drum kit positioned at the front lip of the stage so he could sing lead and play drums at the same time. Great set. 

I am absolutely gutted thinking about what Dave is going through right now. 

Hadn’t been playing much in recent months. Been sweating it right the fuck out every day since Taylor passed, though. Nonstop Foo Fighters & Nirvana play-along sessions. Only way I’ve been able to channel the grief. Glad I have that outlet. (Thanks for getting my ass behind the kit again, Taylor.)

Really hoping Dave finds a way to make peace with this tragic loss and keep being the joyful soul & inspiration he’s been to so many of us for so long now. 

#RIPTaylorHawkins 🥁💔
#FooFighters
My weekend? Awesome, thanks. How 'bout yours? Ret My weekend? Awesome, thanks. How 'bout yours?

Returned home Sunday and all is well now, but ... man, for a guy who not once in 52 years spent a night at the hospital or experienced a serious medical emergency, I made up for it in spades last week.

Celebrated Valentine's Day with my first colonoscopy. Couple small polyps removed. No cancer found, and no other problems. "Return in five years." Yay! 🥳

Fast forward to last Thursday (2/24), at which time large quantities of nothing but blood began exiting my body via an orifice from which large quantities of blood should not pass. So that was disconcerting.

Pro-Tip™: A good way to skip the wait at the ER is to show them a picture of a toilet bowl filled with nothing but your own blood and then pass out.

Three mostly sleepless beep-filled nights, one CT scan, a couple IV bags, several bazillion blood draws & some bad hospital food later, I was home without any further issues, and, thankfully, no surgery or other medical intervention required.

But, yeah ... hoping to never do that again. 🥴

So, uh, anyway ... how you doin'?
Happy #nationalmargaritaday. 🍹 Happy #nationalmargaritaday. 🍹
Follow on Instagram

© 2006–2022 JON ZAL / Contact Me

JZ logo

Twitter / Instagram