When the Red Sox are in the playoffs, I become mentally and emotionally unstable for the duration of their run … or, you know … even more mentally and emotionally unstable. (This has been documented previously.) And, thanks to their unprecedentedly spectacular September collapse, I’ve been forced to commence my insane postseason behavior before the postseason even starts.
There are many things I must do in order to influence the outcome of the game. Things like donning various Red Sox apparel and trinkets, and replacing with a commemorative 2004 World Series Champions plaque (a gift, by the way; I’m crazy, but I’m not “Hey-let’s-blow-$200-on-a-wall-hanging!” crazy) the framed photo that normally hangs over the television set, and holding in a particular way with my left hand during any critical moment in the game the crystal that hangs around my neck while simultaneously covering with each of the five fingers on my right hand five of the ventilation holes atop my Red Sox baseball cap. For starters.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Well, at least I’m not passing my psychosis on to my children.
–>My college roommate’s boyfriend was the same way in 1999 when he realized wearing a certain pair of boxer shorts affected the outcome of the game for Virginia Tech. After our Michael Vick led team lost to Florida State in the championship that year, he set his shorts on fire.
Meg at the Members Lounge says
I’d just like to get a good night’s sleep this month. On another note, how does Mommy Zal handle all of this?
my wife says
When we met, he didn’t like sports. It was upon my suggestion that we try to pick at least one to get invested in. Figures it was the one that has over 160 games! Now I just employ a good sense of humor and walk a fine line between genuine support and flippant sarcasm. And, as you know, tequila always helps around the Zal household 🙂
Men. Y’all are funny.
Do you also have to clap three times and chant? I have a dare for you- let go of one (just one) of the holes. Can you do it? I bet you can’t.
my wife says
No Nicole, he truly can’t.
Sheesh! And I thought my football nuts were bad……
the muskrat says
I have a closet full of crimson shirts, because i only wear a “lucky” shirt for Alabama football games until they lose a game while I’m wearing it. At least I always get collared ones, so I can wear them to work after they’ve been retired from game day wearing.
Having lived in New England for all of my life (huh; I need to get moving, or…something), Red Sox mania has always been a part of my life and surroundings. Good to hear that it, like many other communicable diseases, sticks with you even if you leave.
I love flattering comparisons. They’re my forté, truth be told.)
My bartenders (in FLORIDA) are Red Sox crazed as well. We have multiple signs up in the bar and a Red Sox flag hanging under the American flag out front. I can’t even get a Gator flag up and I RUN THE PLACE. This time of year it’s hard to get them to pour a beer without spilling it!
Team Suzanne says
Although I enjoy sports, I’ve never been a “fan”, so I feel like I’ve escaped the misery that goes along with really following a team. Of course, I also escape some of the joy/exhileration. I see this in my future, though. We live in a University town. When the kids are gone and I work less, I may turn into one of those crazy tail gaters that follows the football team everywhere in a modified “spirit” RV.
Your phrase “unprecedentedly spectacular September collapse” is awesome and I find myself wishing I could really screw something up so I could use this to describe myself. Or find someone else who really screwed up. Whatever–either way–I’m stealing the phrase. Just FYI.
I have a buddy that’s nuts like this over football, the Dallas Cowboys to be exact. N.U.T.S.
Val from Cape Town says
We are at the start of the rugby World Cup here. Trouble TV coverage starts at 9.30 in the morning (and sometimes that is during the week). The men on the staff go ape trying to find out what is happening! Weekends of course the beers come out at that time regardless. The barbeques are going and it is like ‘evening’ activities except it is damn well early in the morning. Guys are the same all over the world as far as sport is concerned! 🙂
Kernut the Blond says
PLEASE have my wife take a picture of you holding the crystal and placing your fingers on the holes in the cap!
Given your relocation, have you considered jumping onto the Phillies’ bandwagon? We always have room for more fans.
…last night was depressing. Hell, September has been depressing! And as a BoSox fan living in cali with a real reason to be a fan (I’m originally from New Bedford) – I have been shamelessly ridiculed all day. But as we always say… Next season!!!
What’s with the Red Sox drama? Looks like Red Sox are lost put on blue Sox… Duh.
Suppose, just suppose mind you, that you followed and were a fan of the (Florida soon-to-be Miami) Marlins plus the pitiable Miami Dolphins. Definition of misery, folks. Real misery.
Dad? is that you??
Heidi H says
OK but I’m confused as to when you have to wear your cap inside out. Or is that the Cubs?