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JON ZAL

Your front-row seat to my nervous breakdown

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Wayne LaPierre

Guns are not dangerous, the NRA does not own the Republican party, and other lies

October 12, 2017 4 Comments

Last week, in the immediate aftermath of the deadliest mass shooting in modern history, Rep. Tom Cole (R-Okla.) went on television and defended civilian ownership of the AR-15, a military-style assault rifle that the Las Vegas shooter used to kill 59 people and injure more than 500. Cole—one of many Republican Congressmen who, not coincidentally, has received thousands of dollars from the National Rifle Association—argued that the weapon is not dangerous “when used appropriately.”

During U.S. Army basic training, I was taught the appropriate use of the M-16, the military’s fully automatic version of the semi-automatic AR-15. I distinctly recall the description that the other trainees and I received of what the bullets our weapons fired were capable of doing to the human body.

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Filed Under: Politics Tagged With: Guns, NRA, Wayne LaPierre

Douchebag of the Year: National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO / gun lobbyist Wayne Lapierre

December 22, 2012 2 Comments

If this guy …

and this guy …

could make a baby, that baby would grow up to be this guy:


Yesterday, one week to the day after a madman walked into an elementary school with a military-style assault rifle that he used to fire into the bodies of 20 children and six adults a torrent of .223-caliber bullets fed to his weapon by a high-capacity magazine that allowed him to cause an unimaginable amount of death and carnage before ever needing to reload, National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre — the man who more than any other has made it possible for mass murderers to arm themselves with military-style assault rifles and high-capacity magazines — went on national television and blamed the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre on everyone … and everything … EXCEPT HIMSELF, GUNS AND THE GUN INDUSTRY THAT LINES HIS POCKETS.

The last time I saw balls that big, they were rolling down a tunnel behind Indiana Jones.

I would go on and further outline for you Mr. LaPierre’s unrivaled douchebaggery, but my new man crush, Lawrence O’Donnell, already did a positively stellar job of that during last night’s episode of his MSNBC program, “The Last Word.” You can see Mr. LaPierre get completely pwned in this video:

And that is why you, Mr. LaPierre, are this year’s DOUCHEBAG … OF … THE YEAR!!!!

Congratulations! You can pick up your trophy at the front desk … IN HELL*.

*No, I don’t actually believe in Hell or a vengeful, omnipotent God … but I like to pretend that both exist when I encounter scumbags like Wayne LaPierre.

Filed Under: Politics Tagged With: Guns, NRA, Wayne LaPierre

Angry, post-Newtown rant

December 19, 2012 16 Comments

If you are someone who would ever consider designing this item, manufacturing this item, selling this item, or hanging this item on your Christmas tree, I have some bad news for you: You're a douche canoe.

We took the kids to the mall this past weekend for our annual family photo with Santa and, while standing in line, I saw hanging on an adjacent ornament vendor’s rack the patently offensive item shown above. (And I’m more than just a little ashamed to say that I didn’t, in that moment, have the presence of mind to gather them all up and hand them to the vendor while suggesting that he maybe throw them away.)

“But Jon, that’s obviously for hunting enthusiasts. Lighten up.”

Lighten up? Really? You want me to lighten up? Because here’s the thing: Fuck you. I’m all out of “Lighten up.”

And, yes, you’re right: That ornament obviously was created for hunting enthusiasts … but I’m certain — or, at least, I’d like to believe — that there are a number of hunting enthusiasts who would look at that ornament and say “Wow. Only a spectacular asshole would buy that.”

I’m also sure, however, that there are a number of hunting enthusiasts who would look at that ornament and say “Dadgum, I gotta get me one o’ them thar kick-ass orny-ments!” I would further venture to guess that the hunting enthusiasts who fall into this latter category are members of the gun-nut faction that rants and raves about an individual’s right to have unfettered access to every kind of firearm known to mankind.

“Yes, but Jon, the Second Amendment says—”

Fuck you and your Second Amendment, asshole. For starters, the Second Amendment was written in a day and age when the only guns available were single-shot muskets that took at least 15 seconds to reload.

Also, P.S.? The Second Amendment, which all you fucking gun nuts quote as being “The right to bear arms shall not be infringed”? That’s only part of the sentence, douchebags. Here’s what the Second Amendment ACTUALLY says:

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

News flash: A “well regulated militia” doesn’t mean “every flaming asshole with insecure feelings about his penis” or “every rich divorcee who thinks it would be fun to buy a military-grade assault rifle and join the local target club” … and it most certainly doesn’t mean people like this douche canoe:

I like to call this 'The Luckiest Cameraman in the World.'

All of that changed, however, when in 2008 the conservative majority of the Supreme Court decided that, despite two centuries’ worth of legal rulings to the contrary, the Second Amendment actually does bestow upon individual citizens the right of unfettered gun ownership. The majority opinion in the 5-4 Supreme Court ruling was written by Justice Antonin Scalia. Here’s a 2007 picture of Scalia:

Supreme Court Justice/Gun Nut Anton Scalia

He’s the guy on the left … on the cover of ‘Gun Week’ magazine. The picture accompanied a feature that The Huffington Post described as follows:

[An] article celebrating the ambassadorship bestowed on Scalia by the World Forum on the Future of Sport Shooting Activities (WFSA), an international organization comprised primarily of gunmakers and pro-gun organizations (including the National Rifle Association and the Second Amendment Foundation) from around the world.
[Emphasis mine.]

So, in other words, the man who in 2008 was largely responsible for striking down 220-plus-years’ worth of legal precedent in which court after court ruled that the Second Amendment doesn’t mean everyone gets to have their own fucking arsenal … was honored in 2007 as an ambassador of the gun industry.

Am I the only one who thinks this is batshit crazy?

And it is against this backdrop that nightmares like Aurora and Newtown are taking place.

All of which is to say: I’m so upset about what happened last Friday that I don’t know what to do with myself. Ranting about the out-of-control gun culture in this country seems like as good a place to start as any. Asking you to add your name to this petition seems like another. (Yes, you have to go through the inconvenience of creating an account on the White House’s website. Suck it up. If you have time to create a Facebook account and a Twitter account and a Flickr account and a Pinterest account and an Instagram account so that you can clutter up the Internet with pictures of your cat, you have time for this. Hell, I know you have time for it by virtue of the fact that you’re sitting here reading my dumb blog.)

This is my third holiday season at my current workplace, and today was the third time I’ve been on hand for an annual holiday performance by a kindergarten class from a private school owned and operated by my employer. It was pretty similar to the performances I’d seen the previous two times … with the one major difference being that it was the first performance during which my eyes kept filling with tears as I watched the 20-or-so beautiful, innocent, happy little kids sing their hearts out and tried to push from my mind the horrific thoughts of last Friday that keep flooding my brain every time I see a little kid … especially my own.

We have a responsibility to each other as a society to do something about our out-of-control gun culture. When you live in a country where those beautiful, innocent, happy little kids are getting gunned down by some monster toting a military-grade assault rifle, you can rest assured that YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Filed Under: Politics Tagged With: Guns, NRA, Wayne LaPierre

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Jon Zal 🇺🇦 Follow 23,851 55,132

Husband, father, writer, podcaster, drummer, Army vet (M.P. K-9), ex-music journalist. #BlackLivesMatter

jon_zal
jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506728347652567053

Senate Republicans on the Judiciary Committee have used almost all of their time during this confirmation hearing to pander to Q-Anon lunatics. This should terrify everyone. Stop it with the “both sides” nonsense; one of the two major parties in this country is literally a cult.

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506727640782225410

Just wondering if Josh Hawley regrets inciting a violent insurrection against the United States Government that resulted in the death and maiming of police officers.

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506668483316260868

I am so far removed from the utter insanity of the far right that I keep feeling surprised when someone reminds me that Graham, Hawley, et al, are harping on the child-pornography thing in order to appeal to the Q-Anon conspiracy nuts whose votes are propping up the decrepit GOP.

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506643627950456837

Wild that Ketanji Brown Jackson has to teach the Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee how the Judiciary Branch works.

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506628980320911360

ProTip™: If you twice acquitted Donald Trump & helped him incite a violent insurrection that resulted in dead & maimed police officers, you’re not actually…

(•_•)/
<) ) TOUGH!
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> ON!
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> CRIME!
/ \

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506597758555377670

PARENTING UPDATE: Waiting to find out if your first-born child will get into the college of his choice is a special kind of torture.

If this kid doesn't get into this school, I'm going to cry.

(That's him in the George Washington costume he asked for as a 7th-birthday gift.)

Image for the Tweet beginning: PARENTING UPDATE: Waiting to find Twitter feed image.
Image for the Tweet beginning: PARENTING UPDATE: Waiting to find Twitter feed image.
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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
23 Mar 1506422895030976516

Juxtapose Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s composure during hours of pointless, racist, pandering attacks from white men not worthy of carrying her laundry hamper to that of this black-out drunk, credibly accused rapist appointed by a credibly accused rapist:

Image for twitter card

Hell hath no fury like white-male privilege threatened

For a brief moment last Thursday, as Brett Kavanaugh began his opening remarks before the Senate Judiciary Committee...

jonzal.com

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jon_zal avatar; Jon Zal 🇺🇦 @jon_zal ·
22 Mar 1506418152816660480

I love @SenBooker actually making his questioning of Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson all about, you know, *Ketanji Brown Jackson*.

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ABOUT ME

Jon Zal @ The Capitol

I was born in 1970, raised just outside of Boston, and now live near Philadelphia. As a child, I thought I was going to be…
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Photographic evidence that I occasionally leave th Photographic evidence that I occasionally leave the house. Rare … but it happens.
Go @RedSox! #OpeningDay Go @RedSox!
#OpeningDay
New profile pic. Previous one was six years old. S New profile pic. Previous one was six years old. Started to feel like a lie.

Longest my hair's been in 18 years. Planning to let it keep growing for a bit. Not gonna let it get as long as it was Back In The Day (read: down to my chest), but ... I need a change.

Anyway ... that's me now. 👋🏻
Just gutted by this loss. Van Halen, Rolling Sto Just gutted by this loss. 

Van Halen, Rolling Stones & Foo Fighters. That’s my Big Three … and of those three, there’s only one I was banking on as a go-to active interest for the next couple of decades. 

As with Van Halen, I fell in love with Foo Fighters not only because of the music, but because of the fun those guys had with, and love they had for, each other.

Had plans in place to go see Foos play in Oregon this October for the final stop on their now-canceled tour. Can’t believe I won’t get to see Dave & Taylor play together again. 

Dave was the first interview I ever did with someone who wasn’t a member of Van Halen. He let me call him at home one weekend, 22 years ago. Two East Coast guys, same age, drummers, music lovers, shooting the shit on a Saturday afternoon. It remains one of my favorite memories. 

I briefly met Taylor in Austin, TX, back in 2006 when he and his solo band somehow got put up at the same shitty Holiday Inn as me. He was very kind, gracious and cool to this awkward, socially anxious fanboy. Saw him play live that night, his drum kit positioned at the front lip of the stage so he could sing lead and play drums at the same time. Great set. 

I am absolutely gutted thinking about what Dave is going through right now. 

Hadn’t been playing much in recent months. Been sweating it right the fuck out every day since Taylor passed, though. Nonstop Foo Fighters & Nirvana play-along sessions. Only way I’ve been able to channel the grief. Glad I have that outlet. (Thanks for getting my ass behind the kit again, Taylor.)

Really hoping Dave finds a way to make peace with this tragic loss and keep being the joyful soul & inspiration he’s been to so many of us for so long now. 

#RIPTaylorHawkins 🥁💔
#FooFighters
My weekend? Awesome, thanks. How 'bout yours? Ret My weekend? Awesome, thanks. How 'bout yours?

Returned home Sunday and all is well now, but ... man, for a guy who not once in 52 years spent a night at the hospital or experienced a serious medical emergency, I made up for it in spades last week.

Celebrated Valentine's Day with my first colonoscopy. Couple small polyps removed. No cancer found, and no other problems. "Return in five years." Yay! 🥳

Fast forward to last Thursday (2/24), at which time large quantities of nothing but blood began exiting my body via an orifice from which large quantities of blood should not pass. So that was disconcerting.

Pro-Tip™: A good way to skip the wait at the ER is to show them a picture of a toilet bowl filled with nothing but your own blood and then pass out.

Three mostly sleepless beep-filled nights, one CT scan, a couple IV bags, several bazillion blood draws & some bad hospital food later, I was home without any further issues, and, thankfully, no surgery or other medical intervention required.

But, yeah ... hoping to never do that again. 🥴

So, uh, anyway ... how you doin'?
Happy #nationalmargaritaday. 🍹 Happy #nationalmargaritaday. 🍹
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