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JON ZAL

Your front-row seat to my nervous breakdown

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#WarriorDown

September 14, 2015 27 Comments

I called him “Shep,” like, at least two or three times before finally realizing that I’d misremembered (yes, that’s a word now) his last name; it was “Sam Shelby,” not “Sam Shepard.” It was our first day working together, and there I am, calling him “Shep” … repeatedly … because I’m a douche. Of course, when I finally realized (with no small amount of embarrassment) the mistake I’d been making, Sam merely laughed it off and took it upon himself to make the moment far less uncomfortable and awkward than I deserved for it to be … because that’s just who he was.

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Filed Under: Life

The nuclear option … or, Why I’ve erased my children from the blogosphere

September 1, 2015 16 Comments

My anonymous kids

“Hey Dad, what the hell is this website we found containing tons of pictures of, and stories about, us? Also, you’re an asshole and we hate you.”—My children, circa some day in the not-too-distant future

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Filed Under: Jayna, Life, Parenthood, Writing, Zan

Real-estate shaming: The newest trend in pre-adolescent douchebaggery

May 26, 2015 16 Comments

Take a look at this screen capture and tell me what you see:

zillow

Chances are you see the homepage of Zillow.com, a site where one can go and look up the supposed value of any given home. That’s what I used to see, too.

Now? Now I see this:

Allow me to explain.

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Filed Under: Life, Parenthood, Zan

I’ve narrowly cheated death yet again

April 21, 2014 38 Comments


There are many downsides to being a hypochondriac … but it does have its benefits. Take yesterday, for example. Yesterday, I headed to my doctor’s office for the third time in about two weeks … which, for me, is unprecedented, since my immune system is basically on par with Wolverine’s. And yet, despite my mutant healing powers, I’ve had a persistent cough for, like, a month now.

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Filed Under: Life, Portfolio Tagged With: Greatest Hits

In the fairy-tale version of this story, I would have hit an epic home run

June 17, 2013 14 Comments

Jon @ the Home-Run Derby

That previous post really set the stage for an exciting, emotional, underdog-makes-good kind of ending, didn’t it? (If you didn’t read it yet, you should.) Imagine it: the shrimpy, non-baseball-playing kid scarred from his less-than-enjoyable Little League experience steps to the plate more than three decades later and belts one over the fence.

Oh, if only. sigh

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Filed Under: Baseball, Life

Take Me Out to the Therapist… Take Me Out to the Shrink…

June 5, 2013 6 Comments

The game of baseball has become a major part of my family’s life … which, based on the following photo, should come as a surprise to no one. I mean, let’s face it: when your background includes playing on a team of this caliber, your family is pretty much guaranteed a baseball-rich life:

Topeka

I’ll point myself out in a moment, but first: How ’bout that coach, huh? He makes Morris Buttermaker look like Anthony Robbins. Of course, in his defense: Look at the collection of misfits he had to work with. I would suggest that his lack of enthusiasm was well justified.

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Filed Under: Baseball, Greatest Hits, Life, Portfolio

This entire thing is in my stomach right now

January 18, 2013 5 Comments

This entire thing is in my stomach right now
The tomato sauce counts as a vegetable, right?

File under “Irony” …

Right after lunch, I got this email from my doc:

Your labs from yesterday are excellent. As expected, your HDL (good) cholesterol is even higher [than last year], and the remainder of your numbers are healthy.

Please have someone carve that on my tombstone this weekend. Thanks.

I’m gonna miss you guys.

Filed Under: Life

I appreciate this company-sanctioned act of rebellion

January 11, 2013 12 Comments

I appreciate this company-sanctioned act of rebellion

I feel young. Wild. Free.

Look at me, suckahs! I’m flipping off the establishment!

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Filed Under: Cubicle, Life

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FEATURED POSTS

Is it November yet?

There must be a reckoning

Gene Simmons on stage

Dear Gene Simmons of KISS, a.k.a. My Childhood Hero: I think there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. Either that, or you’re an overly sensitive dick.

An Open Letter of Apology to President Barack Obama

Daddy Vader

If not for The Force, Darth Vader would have totally gotten his ass kicked, because that suit? Not very practical.

Van Halen (or, The Band That Ate My Life)

Take Me Out to the Therapist… Take Me Out to the Shrink…

No, really: This job-search thing is like shooting fish in a barrel

Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector

Turns out I have a bright future ahead of me ... in a field about which I know nothing

Man, this finding-a-new-job thing is going to be easier than I thought

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ABOUT ME

Jon Zal @ The Massachusetts State House, Boston

I was born in 1970, raised just outside of Boston, and now live near Philadelphia. As a child, I thought I was going to be…
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Hold my calls. 🤙🏻 Hold my calls. 🤙🏻
Hey now from the Jersey shore. 🤙🏻 Snooki say Hey now from the Jersey shore. 🤙🏻
Snooki says “Hi.”
When the @celtics & @nhlbruins both have a playoff When the @celtics & @nhlbruins both have a playoff game on the same night. 🙄 (Might put the @redsox on my iPhone after I post this.) #BostonStrong
The kind of Type-A madness that compels me to hang The kind of Type-A madness that compels me to hang 700 lights on a tree of this height and size is both a curse and a blessing. Love having this spectacle in my yard & spreading the holiday cheer. Enjoy! 🎄
We did it! The last time I ran an official 10K ra We did it!

The last time I ran an official 10K race, I was 18 and in Basic Training/Military Police School at Ft. McClellan, Alabama. Let's just say I'm a bit longer in the tooth and wider in the waist than I was then. 🥵

Proud to have legged it out with my boy yesterday to support @travismanionfoundation. Thanks to all who donated. (FYI: Donation link, which is in my IG bio, remains open through the end of the year.)

Official time: 55:28

#RunWithTheMarines
#MCM10K
The last time I visited the Marine Corps War Memor The last time I visited the Marine Corps War Memorial with my son, he was in utero. 😳 This Sunday, I’ll visit it with him again after we cross the finish line at the MCM 10K.

I’m running in honor of my late grandfather, Finn, a Marine who fought on Saipan, Tinian & Iwo Jima with the 4th Division during World War II.

My son and I are are also running to support the great work of the @travismanionfoundation. If you would be willing to help me reach my fundraising goal, I’d really appreciate it. Link to my fundraising page is in my bio. Thanks!
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